Secrets at the gym

I ran across an extremely insightful and humorous article about managing your expectations at the gym. The general theme was don’t worry so much about the details. Just do something.

I can usually predict how long people are going to stay at their “new” gym and stick with their fitness resolutions by the statements they make before signing up. Give yourself 5 points for each phrase you have used:

1. I really need a pool. It would be SO nice to swim laps at 6 a.m. every morning as a way to start my day!
2. I really need a 24 hour access gym. That way I can go at 10 p.m. when all the kids are in bed.
3. Oh! This new place has the cool Zumba Roomba Spin class that is the BEST class for burning calories!
4. This place has a lot of elliptical machines, which is great because I hate bikes and treadmills.
5. I like this place because it is so low key. People here are just trying to be active and not get so “crazy”.

If you scored 5 points or above, you are on my list for a potential flight risk. People that overanalyze the details and make high demands on specific exercises/classes/perks are trying to avoid the basic necessity: I need to move my body more on a consistent basis.

For example, committing to moving your legs fast and working your core for 20 minutes is great. Wanting to ONLY do it in a semi-circular motion set to Latin music under the direction of a gal named Marinda is missing the point.

Referring to the above 5, this is what will eventually happen:

1. You won’t. And, a pool is what makes one gym twice as expensive as one that doesn’t have one. Pay per session to use a pool unless your last name is Phelps.
2. If you work third shift, sure. Otherwise, who are you kidding, ?
3. This class will be have the same status as 1984 Jane Fonda videos in 6 months. Trust me.
4. Why? Because it is easier? Remind me why you are here? Also, keep in mind that every cardio machine does the same thing in a different ways. Your inflexibility shows a potential for future excuse manufacturing.
5. Go to a library if you want low key. People working out hard next to you should be inspirational. People grunting incessantly while wearing cut off Slayer T-shirts are the exception.

I have belonged to dozens of gyms in my life. They are all the same, and I could accomplish everything I do there in my garage. The most important qualities in a gym are convenient location, cleanliness and safety, hours that fit your schedule and enough variety to change your program every 6-8 weeks.

Just do something. Please.